It’s been a while we talked. It’s been a while I met her. It’s been really a long time we chatted and laughed together. She was my life, she was everything and her enigma was for me and me only. May be it’s my color she didn't like or it can be even my weight but sometimes A tree on its own is just a tree, grass is just a grass, a cow is just a cow and a sun is just a light source. If you combine all you get a miraculous view of a cow grazing in meadow in shadow and sunlight peeking through the trees! A whole landscape is lot more than just the sum of its parts…! When you put them all together it can be magic…..!!
But this magic has limitations, not everyone is lucky to feel and see this. I feel sorry for them, they are just visually challenged. She always said she can’t decide on her own, it’ll be her parent’s decision to take, but now I feel it was just a hiding wall behind which she hides her truth. I had some friends who knew for who am I, still didn’t have a chance to be with them forever. They knew me; one of them told me that I wear my emotions on my sleeves. He was correct, I do but I don’t fake them. I asked her friends how she is, how she reacts to my gifts. They said she is childish, I don’t feel like that. If an infant when he even doesn’t know what means by mother still cries if she’s not near. How cannot she understand my love for her?
Today I heard something weird, I don’t know if it’s true so won’t speak about it but if this was the only thing I was waiting for then this couldn’t be the end. Hope is still there in the corner of my heart. The relation we shared or I now must say I shared, feels estranged. That strong bond of love I tied with her to my heart feels loosen. In this fight I feel defeated. My dad, mom always tells me that you’ll get better than her. And I question them would you demand a better son than me?? But now this all my madness has lost meaning, the ones who know about two of us would remember me as a guy who failed. She will remember me as ‘a just another guy who was crazy for her’. I owe an apology to you all, but first an apology to myself that I questioned my existence without her. I exist. I exist in all those hearts that I made laugh, all those that encountered me for small but a remarkable time. And all you readers, who read me. It’s kind of strange to feel flipped, I never imagined this day would come, but she somehow lost that position I kept for her in my heart. I feel unacquainted with myself and the further journey seems to be incoherent……