I am a bit changed!! I was wrong, wrong about her, wrong about myself! I thought I can be angry with her, fake….so fake, I can’t even imagine happiness without her; and I cannot be angry with my happiness! She didn’t ignore me; she was with me all the time just like the light and wind. They are far disparate from each other, busy doing their work but always together.
She was hurt by me, she had severe cold that day when she read it; my post earlier, she was inapt to speak properly yet she called me. She sounded so sweet, her voice solaced my soul. I felt like standing on edge of earth in pure, cold and fresh zephyr touching and passing by. She felt for me, a sudden surge of feelings. She messaged me sorry, she was sorry if she has hurt me! Kindness a greatest queenly attribute she possessed. Before posting that article I thought many times, my mind was in quandary to post it. But I did at last, it was time. I wanted her views; her feelings about me. I was sure she won’t like my post.
Miracle happened, she liked it very much. It was the day of achievement for me, not because she was sorry if she’s hurt me, not because she called to talk what’s true; But because she liked it from the bottom of her heart. Tears of happiness rolled down her cheeks, I should have been there to see her physiognomy, her glowing face. I would have saved those pearl drops. When she told me this I skipped a heartbeat, and unknowingly, but willingly, gladly a tear rolled down through my eyes too!
She asked me why I was angry, and I said the anger was a mask to hide jealousy, a feeling of insecurity and fear of losing your relationship and love. Because sometimes a little jealousy in love is good, it’s nice to know that I’m afraid to lose you. We finished talking; we both understood what we wanted to say. She asked me that against all odds about her what will be one thing to stay with her and I said the only thing, the only reason to love her is she herself. After the night when she read my post, it made me sleepless; that how wrong I was about her, how can judge her so wrong??? How can I think of her being like this??? I even wrote poem on her on that very sleepless night. Will not post it, she won’t like it. I think she’ll feel ponderous; I don’t want my love to be burdensome for her.
I love her, respect her for being her. But from this moment, from this sensible and grateful response of her to my post, my respect for her is seemingly increased. I realized a truth in relativity theory, even if we are apart, even in future if we are wedded or not, I’ll surely have a lion’s share of her in my life and in my soul. And even if she is someone else’s, she will surely have a tiny corner named for me in her heart till end. I think the word love means only this, all other happenings, events and future doesn't matter if the two souls are bound by the thread called love.
I know she can get any guy in the world. But certainly I’m not sure that he’ll love her same as I. There’s an old quote for women, “Don’t marry to whom you love, marry him who loves you the most!!” Glad this quote takes my side. I am not praising myself, but I do have a respect for my feelings as well as hers. Sometimes at night, when I’m in dream land, the land at once becomes empty, I feel left alone; I remember my family then and I always find them by my side. I even sometimes see her with them; But my worst nightmare till date, that I am left alone without marriage. Maybe it’s fear of losing her; maybe it’s a forecast, one of the worst of my life. Still I have faith on him; I have decided something, after giving it a great thought. If she marries me, it’ll be the most precious, memorable and eminent day of my life.
But if we don’t, then I’ll marry to any girl my dad & mom would say to me. It’ll be no discussion on it again. If they feel she is right for me then she must be right for me; after all my gods have chosen her. It’s not time yet to think so seriously about marriage, we do have our educations to complete and life’s not settled yet. But still I am going to wait for her as long as I can, speaking more correctly as long as time allows me to do so. Unfortunately we are more related to time; owe our responsibilities towards family. We cannot just think of ourselves, that’ll make me selfish.
Thinking of all this has made me tired now, tired of what she wants, tired of what I should inculcate within me more that she wants??? Above all these facts, the fact that I have carved on my heart is “I love her, love her more than anything!” She is my greatest inspiration, my greatest desire, my ultimate aim! If it would have been possible I would have took vow not to marry anyone else, but as I said we owe our life to many people and have to take responsibilities. Surely my life maybe simple one, no adventures, but it taught me lessons of love. That’s why I named this a thread called love!!